Now I'm older, I wish I had documented more of my life. The good stuff. I mean, I want a photo album and fill it up. I want to write letters to my future self about who I am now. Im going to buy a video camera and record my friends smiling and laughing and I'll interview them and watch them in later years and smile and laugh with them and see how much we changed. I'll use it to remember who I want to be, so if I'm unhappy I might figure out it's because I lost who I was.

If I wasn't working, I'd go back to Daddy's. I can't handle this. I do not want kids. Stop hurting me.

Fuck you

and your perfect life.

No longer a Gleek. Fully denounced myself as a fan. fuck you Brad Falchuk, you had a great thing going then messed up with Justin Beiber. I'm so angry right now. I don't care how sad and pathetic this is of me. Glee made me happy, ok, I could lose myself in it. It made me and Bek dance and laugh and have some great times. It was fresh, new, different, and now it's tainted. It's the stuff nightmares are made from. I FUCKING HATE JUSTIN BEIBER! And he is hardly around in Australia! I'd hate to live in the States.

I didn't do this in 30 days...

30 Day Quote Challenge
Day 01- favorite quote ; "Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light,"
Day 02- a quote about love ; "Why do we bother with love when love never lasts?"
Day 03- a quote about friendship ; "When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.
Day 04- a quote about family ; "A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. "
Day 05- a quote about the future ; "A preoccupation with the future not only prevents us from seeing the present as it is but often prompts us to rearrange the past."
Day 06- a quote about life ; "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. " - Winston Churchill
Day 07- an inspirational quote ; "True hope is swift, and flies with swallow's wings; Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings."
Day 08- quote from an actor ; "There were no spells at my school, just a smack in the mouth." - Michael Gambon
Day 09- quote from an actress ; "I want to feel my life while I'm in it." - Meryl Streep.
Day 10- quote from a solo artist ; "Do what's right for you, as long as it don't hurt no one" - Elvis Presley.
Day 11- quote from a band member ; "Nothing is as important as passion. No matter what you want to do with your life, be passionate.' - Jon Bon Jovi
Day 12- a quote about fashion/style ; "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
Day 13- quote from a book ; "Even the devil may cry when he looks around Hell and realise he's alone."
Day 14- quote from favorite author ; "There is no such thing as an "aspiring writer". You are a writer. Period." - Matthew Reilly
Day 15- quote from a movie ; "Yippee-kye-ay, motherfucker!"
Day 16- quote from a tv show ; "Don't mock my world turtle!"
Day 17- quote your favorite lyrics ; "I heard you're gonna get married
Have a nice little family, Live out my dreams with someone new, But I've been told that a cheater is always a cheater, so I've got my pride And she's got you"
Day 18- an anonymous quote ; "A closed mind is a good thing to lose."
Day 19- quote from a headstrong female ; "Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller
Day 20- quote you would write on your bedroom wall ; "I just wrote on the wall, take that society!" haha
Day 21- quote you would want inscribed in your wedding ring ; "What the fuck are you doing, girl?!"
Day22- quote that reminds you of someone ; "I like tokitos"
Day 23- favorite Disney movie quote ; "Them? Us? They are us!"
Day 24- quote that makes you smile ; "I was playing a marathon round of Halo, woman!"
Day 25- quote that reminds you of sadness ; "Even the devil may cry when he looks around Hell and realise he's alone."
Day 26- quote you’d want on a tshirt ; "Don't piss off the nerd angels"
Day 27- quote that describes you ; I have no idea.
Day 28- a quote you made up ; "When the right people are happy, the right people are happy.
Day 29- the first quote you saw today ; "Amazing. Brilliant." It was on a book...
Day 30- whatever quote you like ; "Don't let us make imaginary evils, when you know we have so many real ones to encounter." - Oliver Goldsmith.

9 Things about yourself.

1. I'm a Gleek.
2. I live with major depression. I have to salute him....nah bad joke...lol
3. I have a rash all over my hands from wearing gloves all day at work. It hurts.
4. I've found my country ways, and love it.
5. I wish I could dance.
6. I start writing a lot of books and never finish them
7. I'm losing weight, yeow!
8. I'm really over my diet though.
9. I really admire Bek.

8 Ways to win your heart.

1. Don't be crass.
2. Make me laugh.
3. Don't judge people.
4. Don't piss me off because you think it's funny.
5. Do not try to control me.
6. Be on Glee. Haha.
7. Be adventurous.
8. Don't treat me like a slave.
9. Don't run off as soon as I crack a little.

7 Things that cross your mind everyday.

1. Glee.
2. Mary.
3. My relationship status.
4. My hopes for the near future.
5. My doubts for my not-so-near future.
6. Cars.
7. Books.

6 Things you wish you had never done.

1. Put off getting braces.
2. ...okay I have no idea.

5 People who mean a lot. (No specific order)

1. Bek.
2. Casey.
3. Ma.
4. Daddy.
5. Nikki.
6. Brett. I don't care if I went over 1, lol.

4 Turn-offs.

1. Body odour.
2. Disrepectful behaviour.
3. Narrow-mindedness.
4. Controlling men.

3 Turn-ons.

1. A genuine smile.
2. Modesty.
3. Intelligence.

2 Favorite pictures.

1. Melting Clocks.
2. The Scream.

1 Confession.

1. I'm not sorry what I did to you...
   
   
   
   
   

Your favorite song ; Carry on Wayward Son
Your least favorite song ; Anything Justin Beiber related?
A song that makes you happy ; Jump!
A song that makes you sad ; Amazing Grace
A song that reminds you of someone ; Jeremiah was a Bullfrog
A song that reminds you of somewhere ; I'm Already There
A song that reminds you of a certain event ; ...
A song that you know all the words to ; Billionaire? Lol
A song that you can dance to ; Forget You
A song that makes you fall asleep ; Georgia
A song from your favorite band ; This ain't a love song
A song from a band you hate ; Anything by the Gorillaz
A song that is a guilty pleasure ; Safety Dance
A song that no one would expect you to love ; Probably anything Glee, not even I saw that coming.

A song that you used to love but now hate ; Copperhead Road
A song that you hear often on the radio ; Don't Stop Beleiving
A song that you wish you heard on the radio ; Marry You
A song from your favorite album ; Devil's Got a New Disguise
A song that you listen to when you’re angry ; Anything Kiss
A song that you listen to when you’re happy ; Teenage Dream (Glee version)
A song that you listen to when you’re sad ;
A song that you want to play at your wedding ;
A song that you want to play at your funeral ; Carry on Wayward Son
A song that makes you laugh ; Barbara Streisand
A song that you can play on an instrument ; Blister in the Sun (lol)
A song that you wish you could play ; Stay
A song that makes you feel guilty ; Stay, haha.
A song from your childhood ; Backstreet's Back
Your favorite song at this time last year ; Carry on Wayward Son

Pandora's Box

Wild fire in her soul,

Magnificent flames engulfing her world.

The heat of her passing scorching all those near.

Undying thirst.

Insatiable lust.

Vivid colour wheel paints her reality.

Every sound a melody.

Every day a new hope.



A fantasy.

The world devoid of color,

of light,

of love.

Violence haunting screaming alleys,

Hatred thriving in filthy streets.

Time a cruel mistress,

Deriving her sweet pleasure from dragging her feet,

Here, in Pandora's Box.

My diet has been going well. Pretty much the same everyday. Except today, I had a cornetto and a couple of biscuits. I was in a bad mood.

Now I have a crying headache. Not from all bad crying though. More like, compassionate crying.
My poor dearest Mary is on hiatus from teh interwebs, I shall miss her, but wish her all the best in her recovery.

Write a letter to someone that you’ve drifted away from and now miss.

I really though we were friends. I know we were super young, but we went to great lengths to see each other. We were inseparable. I miss you. I envy your friends. I envy you.
I'd love to know who you are now, are you happy? Are you confused? Do you worry about everything? Are you allergic to anything? What do you want from life?
I tried to talk to you again, but you weren't too receptive. Considering how you must remember me, I don't blame you. What a horrible child I was. It hurts that you won't give me a chance, though. If it was possible, or practical, I would love to find a way into your life as a different person. We would meet, and again we'd click like we did all those years ago. We are both so incredibly different, but I just know we would still be great friends. I think about you so much, yet know you probably don't even remember any of the great times we had. I hope, one day, I get to see you face to face at least one more time.

Your favorite TV show, movie, song and book.

-Glee.

-Boondock Saints.

-Carry on Wayward Son.

-On the edge: My story, by Richard Hammond.

Three things that you’ve done in your life that you regret doing / not doing.

This goes back to that what if thing. It doesn't matter, because I can't change it, and even though I would have loved to do that camp in the Grand Canyon, I moved instead and that's lead me to Uni and living with Casey.
I'm going to write 3 thing I will regret not doing instead;
At least owning an Impala.
Traveling to New Orleans.
Finishing a novel.

Favourite quotes;

"They say a cheater is always a cheater, so I've got my pride and she's got you."

"There's no such thing as 'what if?', that's a waste of time."

"I think, therefore I am". Don't ask me what the Latin is, it's too late for me to think that hard.

How do I have to cope now? By becoming a drone. An empty shell. A skull devoid of thoughts because if I think, I'll break. If I realise how stressed I am, I'll stop moving. If I realise how much my life isn't what I thought it would be, I would end it.
This is how it is when you're an adult. Keep moving, go, go, go. Don't stop, don't think, don't question. Absorb facts, but ignore what they mean. Bills are just numbers, betrayals are just acts, lies are just words and days are just disappointments.
This is it. Guess I better get going.

Ten things you want to say to ten people;

1. Stop making excuses. Either do it, or stop complaining. x3

2. Wanna do something this weekend?

3. Stop judging her!

4. MARRY ME! haha.

You know, I've said some of these things anyway, I really can't finish this list.

I feel like I'm too old for stuff like this, so I'm going to some it up briefly and you wont understand it.

-Innocent.
-Nice.
-Hard worker.
-Funny.
-Quiet.
-Beyond.

I must say, I am really loving work. Today there was a massive storm, I'm all muddy, there's dirt under my nails, I'm majorly scratched and bruised and aching and am riddled with prickles, and I love it all. I'm already fitter, I'm not near as wrecked this afternoon as I have been the last two days. I've lost 3 kilos since Saturday XD

Yesterday's diet log:

Coffee, 3 rice crackers, banana, shake, palm sized pork loin steak with crush potato, 2 diet shakes.

Today was coffee, 2 tblsp of yoghurt (lol), a tiny chocolate reindeer, pad thai noodles, though not really coz it was not good so very little was eaten. And the two diet shakes.

Below is a photo of one of my arms after two days working with pineapples, it's a little faint, but I assure you, they are shredded. Lol. But I'm loving it :)

I thought carrot was okay with me now, so I steamed a whole lices one for dinner and ate it, even though it tasted terrible. Now I think I am going to hurl.

Diet, Day 2:

Breakfast: 1 coffee.

Lunch: 4 chips stolen from Nikki, a diet shake and a banana.

Somewhere I cheated and had a nutella sammich.

Dinner: Palm sized piece of steak with steamed peas and carrots.

1 hr 30 mins of brisk walking.

Also, yesterday I did 40 minutes of walking and forgot to list it.

Day 1 was a success. Though I ate 3 rice crackers instead of two. They are so damn yummy.
Helloooo weightloss.

I'm too lazy to log my diet by hand, so I'm doing it here.

Today I had;

Breakfast: 1 coffee.

Lunch: 1 chicken and cheese sandwhich and a vanilla diet shake. I consider this my one allowed proper meal.

Dinner: 1 diet shake and 2 rice crackers.

AGONYYYYYY!!!!! I had to take 4 ibuprofen tablets earlier to get about an hour of pain-freeness. I just took another 2. I can't take anymore. At least it's not panadol, so it won't kill me.

My hormones at this time of the month really fuck with my anti-depressants too. Then it evens out for a day or two until I switch back to the active pills and it's messed up again. Really, half the month I'm pretty close to being as depressed as I am without the meds. Close to is better than being it, though. Just sometimes, I'm uber sick of this fucking depression. It's just tiring.

I've eaten a fair bit of carrot today. I hope I don't end up uber sick. Come on, body, be good to me!

Dearest Mary Margaret,

Maybe this is silly, because I never met you. We spoke, and we all knew that you were the strongest and wisest of us. You brought a lot of smiles to a lot of people, and tears. Through your ridiculously deep and honest and amazing poetry and through your still very eloquent general conversations. Through you being 14 physically and ageless mentally and emotionally. Through always being stupidly upbeat and positive and ready to listen to us. I hope you haven't given up, you said you were leaving us, and everyday since then I regret not checking the last message you sent me immediately, and everyday I think of you and hope you're still fighting your cancer. You've made it through once, you can fight it. Please let us know you are okay.
Because if someone as amazing and strong and positive as you gives up on the world, what hope do the rest of us have?