Once upon a time...

It was a heroic battle. Against a ruthless opponent I battled day and night - oh yes, one of each. It conquered my territory, turned my own against me while I stood outside the gates and let forth a warcry filled with rage and beat against the huge wrought iron bars, seemingly to no avail. The Virus, who had successfully convinced my guards (aka; very expensive Norton Security, Premier Edition) that nothing was wrong, that all was as it should be, laughed maniacally in it's new chambers. It took over the village people and brainwashed them (aka; tried to tell me all my files were corrupted) and offered me a place at it's right hand (which I swiftly and repeatedly clicked 'no' to. The few loyal and brave that were trapped in the village yet refusing to follow this evil Virus, were silenced (aka; the Virus wouldn't let them open). This Virus was a cunning magician and could disguise himself as one of the commoners. My guards, though as idiotic and lazy as they were, noticed the evil emmanating from the Virus the moment before it spread it's tentacles of evil through my kingdom and had time to note this in their manifest. I needed a name, I felt that uncovering it's true name would give me what I needed to de-throne this horrid plague. And so, using my womanly charms I seduced the guards and gained access to this manifest (clicked 'security history' in the Norton menu). It took hours to read through, it turns out I had under-estimated my guards and this manifest was highly detailed. Skipping over the noting of birds flying over the gate and every entry and exit by villagers and knights, I finally discovered what I was looking for. They had turned away this stranger - the one who was now being fed grapes by my hand-picked sexy servants, and had made a thorough description of the unknown wanderer. He must have gained entry another way, a chick in my kingdom's defenses (I made a note to rectify this once I took back control). I tracked down his history, where he came from, who he associated with (found the file in my computer). He was protected by some dark magic, I discovered none could touch him. Many had tried and yet he appeared to be immortal, protected by an unseen force (should have known pressing 'delete' would have been too easy). Just when I was ready to give up, relinquish what was rightfully mine - someone came to me. They claimed to know this Virus, they were both students under the same mentor. This samaritan told me this mentor of theirs held the secret to the Virus' demise. With many thanks and a few chickens, I left that kind stranger and tore apart the Realm looking for this mentor. I will not bore you with the details of my journey (unplugged my computer and pulled the battery out so I could start it in Safe Mode) but I found this mentor. For days, days! I tortured the evil Hitler-youth-creating bastard, and finally he surrundered to me a safe (see what I did there?) the held the Virus' soul. For as long as his soul remained in this world he would remain safe from fatal harm. The trouble with this, as I learned, is the sould must be made corporeal, tangible, so that it may be contained. With my broadsword (cursor) I shattered the lock (started Task Manager), and with a victorious cry I drove my weapon into the black twisted shadow held in the safe - destroying, once and for all, this curse, this plauge, this Virus, freeing the world of all evil (deleted some random thing). There was an almighty blue flash! It engulfed the Realm, and for a moment I experienced the sensation of pure horror, I was convinced I had been tricked and brought about armaggedon. It receeded as quickly as it appeared, however, and I turned to look out the entrance to the cave I had found the mentor in. The world was beautiful, the grass was greener than it had ever been, the sky bluer and the animals healthier. For days, the villagers of my kindgom celebrated and feasted and brought me gifts of all kinds to display for me their gratitude at being set free from the Virus' clutches, for now they saw how they had been tricked. Tales of my heroics and determined loyalty to my kingdom reached all corners of the land, and all was right again in the world.


The End.